PRE-MARITAL PREPERATION

                                      

  Please complete the following questions:

 

  1. The most important thing in marriage is.....

 

  2. I am most uncomfortable when people.....

 

  3. People like me best when.....

 

  4. If I could be different, I would wish for.....

 

  5. What I want most in my mate is.....

 

  6. Generally speaking, my childhood was.....

 

  7. My father is.....

 

  8. My mother is.....

 

  10. My relationship with my brothers and sisters is.....

 

  11. My definition of the ideal marriage is.....

 

  12. My goal in life is.....

 

  13. Love means.....

     

14.    Is your “intended” ready and mature enough for a lifetime commitment?

 

15.    How long have you known each other?

 

16.    How long have you been dating?

 

17.    How long have you been “serious”?

 

18.    Do you have a sexual relationship now?

 

19.    Are you living together now?

 

20.    How has God been a part of your relationship so far?

 

Family Issues

 

1.     How many children do you want?

 

a.     What sex?

 

b.     When do you plan to start having children

 

c.     How do you pick their names?

 

d.     What kind of school will they be in?

 

e.     Will you provide college funds?

 

f.     Who helps with homework?

 

g.     Who goes to PTA?

 

h.     Who gets up at 3 a.m. to feed?

 

i.     Who disciplines?

 

j.     What kind of discipline will be used?

 

2.     Will your child be permitted to take vacations away from you? 

 

                        i.   With who?

 

                      ii.   How long?

 

 

3.   Will both of you work after you have children?

 

a.    Who stays home?

 

b.  What type of daycare?

 

c.    Until the child is how old?

 

4.  What kind of clothes will you buy them?

 

5.  Will they have a computer, TV, etc. in their room?

 

 

 

Lifestyle Issues

 

1.       What kind of home?

 

2.       Where?

 

3.       What color?

 

4.       Who picks the furniture?

 

5.       Who picks the décor?

 

6.       How much landscaping?

 

7.       Who cleans the house?

 

8.       Who maintains the yard?

 

9.       What type of vehicle?

 

a.  Who picks it?

 

b.  How many?

 

c.  Who maintains?

 

10.     Will you be able to go out with friends without your spouse?

 

a.  For how long?

 

b.  How far away?

 

c.  For what reason?

 

11.     How often will guests be invited over?

 

a.  How do you decide when?

 

b.  How do you decide who?

 

12.     Will alcohol be allowed in your home?

 

a.  Will use of alcohol be permitted?

 

13.     Will illegal drugs be allowed in your home?

 

a.  Will the use of drugs be permitted?

 

14.     Will tobacco, in any form, be allowed in your home?

 

a.  Will use of tobacco, in any form, be permitted?

 

15.     Will there be a TV in the home?

 

a.  How much TV is OK

 

b.  How much TV will the kids be allowed to watch?

 

c.  What kind of TV will the kids be allowed to watch?

 

16.     Will the internet be allowed in the home?

 

a.  Will the kids have access to the internet?

 

b.  Will it be a filtered internet service?

 

c.  What type of sites will they be permitted to view?

 

d.  Will the kids have access to e-mail?

 

e.  How will you monitor internet and e-mail usage?

 

17.     Do you have any hobbies?

 

a.  How much time goes into your hobbies?

 

b.  How much money goes into your hobbies?

 

18.     Who does the cooking?

 

a.  What kind of food?

 

b.  How many “big meals? A week?

 

19.     Will junk food be allowed in your home?

 

a.  Will the kids be allowed to eat junk food?

 

b.  How much?

 

20.     Will you have any pets?

 

a.  What kind?

 

b.  How many?

 

c.  Who cares for them?

 

d.  Who takes them to the Vet?

 

21.     Who will be your physician?

 

22.     Who will be your dentist?

 

23.     Who is your OBY/GEN?

 

24.     Do you have/will you have health insurance?

 

25.     Do you have/will you have supplemental insurance?

 

26.     What are your cultural and intellectual interests?(opera, sports,etc)

 

27.     What type of books do you enjoy?

 

28.     What type of movies do you enjoy?

 

29.     What are your favorite restaurants?

 

30.     What level of education do you have?

 

31.     What are your educational goals?

 

 

Spiritual Values

 

1.       Your religious background:

 

            A.    Do you know what it means to be a "born again Christian?"

      

B.    Are you a Christian?

      

C.    Is your prospective mate a Christian?

      

D.    What church do you belong to?

      

E.    To what church or denomination does your prospective mate belong to now?

      

F.    If there are differences above, how will the two of you resolve them?

    

2.     Do you plan for your family to be active and regular in church

      life and attendance?

 

      3.    Will religion be taught in the home?       By Who?

 

4.    Will faith be a guiding issue in your home?

    

5.       Who is God?

 

6.    Have you discussed spiritual issues together?

 

7.    Will religious symbols/items be displayed in the home?

 

8.    Have you considered what church the two of you will attend after you are married?

    

9     What one thing would make you the happiest person in the world?

    

10.   What is necessary for you to have a happy home?

    

      11.   What emphasis will you place upon the accumulation of wealth and property in your marriage?

    

12.   Do either of you feel the need to use drugs, (alcohol or ?), to achieve a     happy life?

 

13.   Have you discussed spiritual issues together?

 

14.What have you found during these discussions?

 

 

 

Your Family and In-Laws

 

      1.    Do your parents know you are planning to marry?

    

2.    Do they approve of your intention to marry?

    

 

3.    How are your parents and homes alike?  Different? (family size, religion, education, ethnic backgrounds, age, income)

    

4.    How well do you know each other's families?

    

5.    Will you live with (or near) either set of parents after you are married?

    

6.    How emotionally close are you to your parents?

    

7.     How independent are you from your parents?

 

8.     How long should family members stay in your home for visits?

 

9.     How do you decide if someone stays with you?

 

10.   How often should parents come to visit?

 

11.   What rights does a visitor have in your home?

 

a.  Tobacco (in any form)

b.  Drugs

c.  Drinking

d.  Kitchen access?

e.  Time alone with spouse?

f.  Time with Children?

 

12.   Who do you visit on Holidays?

     

Matters of Financial Concern

 

1.    Will you develop and use a budget?

    

2.    Will you establish a joint bank account?

    

3.    Which of you is best qualified to pay the bills? Keep the checkbook?

    

4.    What can money accomplish for you?

    

5.    Will you accept subsidies from your parents?    Loans?

 

6.       Whose money is it?

 

7.       How do you decide on major purchases?

 

a.  What is a major purchase?

 

8.       How much to savings?

 

9.       How much to God?

 

10.     How much money will be used for hobbies?      Entertainment?

 

11.     Will you have life insurance?

 

a.  How much?

 

b.  Who is covered?

 

c.  Who is the beneficiary?

 

Roles and Expectations

 

1.    What are a model husband and wife like?

    

2.    Who would you look to as a model husband and wife?

    

3.    What is your concept of family leadership?

    

4.    How do you plan to make major family decisions?

    

5.    How do you feel about traditional husband and wife roles in comparison to new roles?

    

6.    Is there "women's work" and "men's work" in a household?

    

7.    How do you plan to handle household routines and chores?

    

8.    How will you deal with conflict in role expectations?

 

 

Verbal Communication

 

(Answer each question Yes or No for yourself, then answer each question as you think your prospective spouse would answer.

 

1.    Does your spouse wait until you are through before having his or her say?

 

2.    Does your family do things as a group?

 

3.    Does your family talk things over with each other?

 

4.    Does your spouse seem to respect your opinion?

 

5.    Do you discuss personal problems with your spouse?

 

6.    Does your spouse tend to talk to you as if you were less capable than you are?

 

7.    Does your spouse show an interest in your interests and activities?

 

8.    Do you discuss matters of sex with your spouse?

 

9.    Does your spouse trust you?

 

10.   Do you find it hard to say what you really feel?

 

11.   Does your spouse have confidence in your abilities?

 

12.   Do you hesitate to disagree?

 

13.   Does your spouse try to see your side of things?

 

14.   Does your spouse consider your opinion in making decisions?

 

15.   Does your spouse try to make you feel better when you are down in the dumps?

 

16.     Do you help your spouse to understand you by telling him or her how you think and feel?

 

Nonverbal Communication

 

"Even when you do not say so, I know you are....."

 

    1. happy when.....

   

    2. nervous and/or anxious when.....

   

    3. angry when.....

   

    4. preoccupied when.....

   

    5. sad when.....

   

    6. worried when.....

   

    7. understanding when.....

   

    8. love me when.....

   

    9. trustworthy when.....

   

    10. feeling sexy when.....

   

    11. (will be) a good mate when.....

   

    12. disappointed with me when.....

 

 

Future

 

  1. What is your Main goal in life?

 

  1. What other important goals do you have?

 

  1. What do you see as your purpose in life?

 

  1. Where do you see your marriage in 10 years?

 

 

 

  1. Where do you see your marriage in 25 years?

 

 

 

 

  1. Where do you see your marriage in 50 years?

 

 

Two last questions:

 

  1. Why do you want to commit your life to this person in marriage?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  1. What does marriage mean to you?